DIVORCED RICH BEVERLY HILLS WOMEN by Kathy Najimy When I got my salt scrub today, the woman doing it said “Yes, in fact about 30% of our clientele are men. But mostly, they are Divorced Rich Beverly Hills Ladies.” And I thought (not out loud) who were these ladies? These “ladies” were not born like that were they? Not destined to face lifts and peels, loneliness, tight lips and hard hair. No, in fact, hey were born free and beautiful and confident. And hopeful and anxious to find love. They only became Divorced Rich Beverly Hills Ladies because their rich husbands dropped them for someone more fuckable: maybe someone with long straight natural hair and thin legs who wears shorts and t- shirts with ease. Maybe a young photographer or writer. Someone interesting. No, the Divorced Rich Beverly Hills Ladies were too busy having and raising children, and too busy buying him gold toe socks at Barneys to become interesting. Too busy decorating the house for the holidays, dealing with caterers , florists, flus, furniture, weddings and college boards. Too busy supporting him in his business and social life, too busy to think of themselves and their thighs or their unhealthy hair....too busy to stay fuckable. And when they woke up and took a breath and looked around and he was gone...that's when they began the frantic, futile quest...that's exactly when they became a Divorced Rich Beverly Hills Lady. Not organically, and not in vanity, but in deep fear and desperation. No, I bet they were never fated, in fact they were probably devoted, devoted... and dream bound. And the cosmetic surgeon stitches and the hair spray and the chemical peel and the salt scrubs came way later. After the death of the dream. Remember. Women don’t start out desperate. They don’t start out a bitch. Women do not start out with compulsions and eating disorder suicides. They don’t start out insecure, afraid and self- loathing. Women aren’t born jealous, drunk, loud, overbearing or angry. They don’t start out dependent or pitiful victims. They don’t start out shamed and abused. And they don’t start out destined to become a Divorced Rich Beverly Hills Lady. They start out glorious.